Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
