JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
