Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
