All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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