I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
