so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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