It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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