if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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