he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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