For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
