Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
