CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
