he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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