The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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