I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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