I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
