Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You need Xanax blowdarts
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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