my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
