i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
