i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
