you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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