You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
