Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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