the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize