It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.