Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this