just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
