I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
