my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
