I've blown a few things in my day
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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