I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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