I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
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