I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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