She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize