i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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