I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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