I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
