Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
