i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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