Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
