mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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