He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
