He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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