i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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