Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The air was thick with penises
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
