You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
