I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
