I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
