4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
