you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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