i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
