Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
