hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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