you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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