i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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